Baseline

October 31st, 2024, my 27th Halloween. I was dressed in my typical attire, a T-shirt, jeans, and Converse. The T-shirt was the color of an orange bright in the summertime. A character was outlined in black glitter, Anxiety from Inside Out 2.

I knew Anxiety was the perfect choice for me when I heard that the people I would be with on Halloween were going to be emotions. I’ve been open about my journey with anxiety for several years now. And maybe if I had been honest with myself sooner, my teenage years would’ve gone a little smoother.

Within the last month, my anxiety hasn’t always been as high as a mountain at its peak. It has been a steady climb with some plateaus in between the two major hurricanes that hit around the area where I live. I evacuated to my grandparents' house for both storms. I love my grandparents' house; it has been a second home, for a time even my only home. It has always been my safe place. While I felt safe there riding out the storms, it was exhausting. My body was exhausted from spending almost two weeks sleeping on a couch. And my body is sensitive to any lack of sleep, so that was fun. My mind was exhausted from the overwhelming unknown of what the storms were going to do.

Now it’s November and the physical storms have passed. Now it’s time for me to put the storm brewing in my head into words before it washes me away completely. Let me make this clear from the start, I don’t want this to turn into a who voted for who contest. I know I have people in my life who voted the opposite way I did. People who I love deeply. Still, I don’t understand their vote for a leader who leads with hate and exclusion of anyone considered to be “other”.

I am other in a multitude of ways. I am a woman. I am a bisexual woman. I am a disabled bisexual woman. Each of these labels makes up a part of who I am, and I can finally say I like who I am; after years of battling my own mind.

Last year when I received my new wheelchair, I was informed that Medicare was only concerned with how my wheelchair could assist me within the boundaries of my home. Hearing that question made me feel small. It made me feel like because my Cerebral Palsy limits my mobility, my government thinks that my life is supposed to be limited as well. So, yes I’m confused by their vote, and I’m scared that I will see even more of my rights vanish over these next four years.

Even though I’m scared, I’ve always been taught to work around my limitations, to speak up for myself, and to use my voice. I’m going to continue to write stories with characters from marginalized groups. I’m going to continue to fight for the rights needed in order for every human being to live comfortably in their own life, body, and mind.

Over the next four years, the anxiety character in my head and I will be very familiar with each other. I will give her a comfy chair. Supply her with plenty of iced coffee, and headphones so that she can use music as a lifeline.

I’ve never felt more defeated in my life. Yet I’ve never felt more encouraged to use my voice. So that’s exactly what I’m going to do.